SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS DON'T READ if you have not seen Wonder Woman 84

[mechaMenace]

I gave my take on Wonder Woman 84 in the DASS 101 comment section but I thought it was so good, I had to post it here. Maybe I'm just fired up.

I hate going into movies having expectations given to me by people I talk to, follow, respect, or are within earshot. So I urge you to avoid any take on movies or trailers before going to see movies. It's more fun that way.

I may have to break this post into chunks as this is like trying to flush cement down a toilet. I don' thin' the forum can 'andle it.

Scroll to the third post to read my take

[mechaMenace]

Wonder Woman 84 take
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[mechaMenace]

Holy F%#$ was Wonder Woman 84 a bomb (WW84)! The script was like an amatetur cartoon episode mixed with a Hallmark production, complete with wistful shots of extras playing in the snow as the camera focuses on children playing and couples smiling.

It started out OK. I loved the shots of the mall. It worked. Malls were popping in the 80s. Everyone looked like they belonged. It could have been an episode of Knight Rider.

Then it starts doing wacky things like her wearing the outfit all along in Cairo, using the whip to pull her through the air (even though she said she said she did not get flight) or catch lightning bolts like she was doing both of these things all her life.

Shouldn't we have some explanation of her magic whip before this is done? What about her gives me the notion that she has any magical prowess before she decides to make the jet invisible? Shouldn't we have seen a shot like this earlier or, if we were really pushing the audience, from the first movie?

How do they know that all they have to do to fix things is take back their wish? WW makes this guess when she went to the voodoo man even though she could have made this guess without going to the voodoo man. Her zombie boyfriend even questioned it. I don't remember how that conversation ended, but I'm sure they were like, 'It's worth a shot'. Wasn't the voodoo man supposed to give them info? That would be the probper exchange in this Zelda quest.

Why wasn't the oil man kid's wish instantly granted like every other person in the movie? The kid wished his father was with him. Is there a weird editing / script mishap here? The helicopter landed in some random field near the White House and the kid emerged from the tree-line after a few yells from his father like that was the correct spot to yell. The last we saw his kid, he was rambling through wreckage on an elevated highway. Big hugs, everything's OK. EVERYTHING's NOT OKAY! This hallmark moment was brought to you by BULLSHIT!

[mechaMenace]

Man, do they love that whip in this one. Were there a lot of complaints about her not using it as much in WW1 (oh shit, just realized Wonder Woman 1 takes place in WWI. Get it?!)? A lot of those whip shots look lame. How can they make Spider-Man shot web and look cool but not WW? The effects messed that up big time. Lots of shots look very fake. That whole scene where she arrives at the satellite facility and is taking down guards and then goes into fighting wigged-up Wig look like a scifi, 'scuse me, syfy movie production. It was like my non-120hz screen suddenly stripped away the movie magic and the budget. Did they get the critically and audience panned Cats the Musical made into the worse CG production crew on this? Holy F@#$%!!


Hey, remember that lasso not being able to penetrates the wind force field at the end. That's it! "You lose!," in the words of an irate candy man might say. Yet somehow, while we weren't looking, WW whose now limp as a wet noodle somehow zip-lines that whip around oil-man's leg as he enters a wind tunnel that is the physical manifestation of radio waves (WTF!?)

[mechaMenace]

Let's talk about that throw away line of she found the armor of Asteria near the start of the movie. Remember that? Just after Sam Beckett beamed into the body of a greaser from the 1980s who is actually a genius engineer (another throw-away exchange that goes nowhere), they bone (presumably), wake up the next day, and he points out the large object covered in cloth in her tiny batcave. 'Oh, that, I hunted that down in a prior movie you never saw, but would have been totally cool to see.

This really should be the third in a WW trilogy--the bomb that ends it--just for that flick of a wrist on the writer's pen. We got that Asteria was a cool chick who cock-blocked the hordes of men from savaging the --magical-- women of The-mascara Island. She sacrificed herself. She lost. How did that loss hide the island? Where did the armor go? I want that Wonder Woman 2 movie. And why the hell is Asteria alive at end clip at the end of the movie then? This is so frustrating.

[mechaMenace]

I wish I hadn't heard someone's two-word reaction prior to seeing Wonder Woman 84, but I don't think mine would have been any different. You know I like to go into these things with a fresh mind. If anything, the first movie set me up for high times.

Who thought hiring Kristen Wig as the nemesis was a good idea? I get it. She's pretty good at being serious and very affable as a comedian so we can feel remorse when she gave up her poetic humanity to turn into an apex predator. She's a cute 50 year-old, but not the sexy cheetarah she needs to be going up against Gadot's model-like beauty.

Women empowerment aside, I can't believe the wardrobe and makeup make her twenty years younger and model-hot (given the wish she made, I guess the wish included fashion sense too). Don't get me wrong; Wig would probably be fun, but just like my Freddy Kreuger face might entice Wendy from Howard Stern's wack pack, most people wouldn't give either the time of day.

I was not passionately looking forward to WW84 even though this rant makes me sound like it, but yes, I was extremely disappointed (in a Hercules: The Legendary Journeys meme voice [look it up]). I liked the first one because it surprised me. I watched it because it was a comic book movie but there was no Batman and no Justice League team-up so why should I care? WW1 made me care about WW. She kicked ass. She was cool. WW84 was a hallmark production. what the FFFF

[mechaMenace]

Let's wind down talking about a more traditional and fun DC production. Batman Soul of the Dragon is totally watchable. It's a neat one-shot, though it could have worked without Batman. The writers even acknowledge this at the end when they make one of the characters say, 'You should put on that costume 'cause we need more Batman in this Batman movie near the end.' I don't think it's a good thing that this Batman movie would work without Batman. It's still very comic-book-y though.

[Death Adder]

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[JerryTerrifying]

I have the ability to see it on HBO Max for free right now.  Probably won't do it.  Already had it spoiled by Red Letter Media but let me condense your 5,000 page thesis into a single sentence.  It was written by a woman.  Thank you for listening to my TED Talk.

[Death Adder]

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[mechaMenace]

Oh, Jerry's trolling again; otherwise, how could he believe his wife or daughters could amount to anything in this world?

I attribute the loss to more than the change in writing staff as someone should have questioned this draft. The writers of the 2017 movie probably had an idea of where things could go after that ending. Maybe they were busy.

I think DC has already moved on from this iteration of its characters and could care less though this just cements the idea of "I'll wait for it to come out on video unless it's Batman." Yes, I know we live in an all VOD world currently.

[JerryTerrifying]

The second movie was written by the director of the first movie.  Don't know the gals name.  But action/adventure writers, popular ones at least, tend to be male.  My woman and daughter can be many things far more important than being a cog in the propaganda machine.

[mechaMenace]

, but men are less important as they contribute to the propaganda machine? Sonics and Marios contribute to the status quo too. Sometimes I dig their games. Anything you put out into the public, especially in the age of social media, has a chance of making an impact. If there's enough positive feedback, that voice is amplified.